"Courage and resolution are the spirit and soul of virtue." -Thomas Fuller
I think maybe I was full of virtue as a child, but as we grow up, at some point we are robbed of our virtue and our childish hearts. Never asking for that, it happens to us anyway, some of us it happens too quickly and early- and to others of us, it doesn't.
I am one of those lucky (unlucky?) ones who kept his foolish wholesomeness for far too long. Naivette'. Isn't that what it's called? I was naive. For a long, long time. And it showed in my face... I was being carded when buying alcohol, even into my 30's.
But there is a way...
Of getting that childishness back... at least some measure of it! This happens when the heart yields to Jesus Christ. A kind of purity begins to re-enter the soul. Some measure of character is restored when we stop lying, cheating, stealing, giving too much time to the unhealthy pursuits of life, like... well, I am not even going to go there.
I am not a preacher. I am a sinner.
Nevertheless, I will not give up. Into the depths of His lovingkindness and tenderest love I will plunge and hope that He will cleanse me and restore me.
Monday, January 1, 2007
Saturday, December 30, 2006
MY FATHER IS GONE NOW
My father died at around 12:30AM, on Tuesday, Dec 19th. Family let me know later, during the day, Tuesday.
He had cancer in the brain- and also in his chest. A year ago, at the last of December, he began having severe headaches. After some visits to his doctor, they decided that a battery of tests were needed. They found that he had at least 3 cancerous things in his brain, and were pressing against something which caused the headaches. I guess these were some kind of "round" masses and I don't even know what they call them..
At the same time, they found that he had a melonoma, a cancer in his chest. And it was in the upper, central part- not on a lung, as is so often the case with smokers.
He received treatments on the brain cancers first, radiation, which took some weeks and they would do 3 and take off some time, then do 3 more, then time off, then 3 more... I don't know how many treatments he had, for this. Then when they finished, they took some time off, before they gave him treatments for the melonoma.
Treatments on the melonoma took the same course, 3 treatments, 3 weeks off, 3 treatments, 3 weeks off. These times out were longer than the ones for the brain radiation. I don't remember for sure, but I think they did radiation again, on the melonoma.
My father didn't really suffer pain, for some reason. Which is a great blessing. What he DID suffer, though, was loss of energy, and loss of strength, which over a long period of time took quite a toll on him. His complaints were about the weakness in his legs. He got up every day and got dressed, and tried to do his normal activity of being around the house, watched tv or read and napped in his recliner, and he DID drive, for a while, before the weakness in his legs just got to be too much.
He wouldn't use the walker. Consequently, he began, finally, to fall, now & then. Not terribly serious falls, but enough to scare and to worry him and Mary, my step-mother. She is a strong Christian, tho not an Adventist. But she is wonderful and loved and took good care of my dad. My dad was 79. Mary is 70 and in very good health and physical condition. My dad turned 80, on Nov 19th.
My father has smoked cigarettes most of his life. Even late into the bout with the cancer, he wouldn't stop. Then, in October, I guess, they said the cancer has come back and do you want to do treatments again? He said no. The treatments would have extended his life only a brief time.
About a week before he died, the cancer took a dramatic turn for the worse and just literally "exploded" internally- and I guess the same happened with the brain cancer. He deteriorated rapidly- and within a 5 day period, his conditioned went to "bedfast"... and he died shortly after.
He had cancer in the brain- and also in his chest. A year ago, at the last of December, he began having severe headaches. After some visits to his doctor, they decided that a battery of tests were needed. They found that he had at least 3 cancerous things in his brain, and were pressing against something which caused the headaches. I guess these were some kind of "round" masses and I don't even know what they call them..
At the same time, they found that he had a melonoma, a cancer in his chest. And it was in the upper, central part- not on a lung, as is so often the case with smokers.
He received treatments on the brain cancers first, radiation, which took some weeks and they would do 3 and take off some time, then do 3 more, then time off, then 3 more... I don't know how many treatments he had, for this. Then when they finished, they took some time off, before they gave him treatments for the melonoma.
Treatments on the melonoma took the same course, 3 treatments, 3 weeks off, 3 treatments, 3 weeks off. These times out were longer than the ones for the brain radiation. I don't remember for sure, but I think they did radiation again, on the melonoma.
My father didn't really suffer pain, for some reason. Which is a great blessing. What he DID suffer, though, was loss of energy, and loss of strength, which over a long period of time took quite a toll on him. His complaints were about the weakness in his legs. He got up every day and got dressed, and tried to do his normal activity of being around the house, watched tv or read and napped in his recliner, and he DID drive, for a while, before the weakness in his legs just got to be too much.
He wouldn't use the walker. Consequently, he began, finally, to fall, now & then. Not terribly serious falls, but enough to scare and to worry him and Mary, my step-mother. She is a strong Christian, tho not an Adventist. But she is wonderful and loved and took good care of my dad. My dad was 79. Mary is 70 and in very good health and physical condition. My dad turned 80, on Nov 19th.
My father has smoked cigarettes most of his life. Even late into the bout with the cancer, he wouldn't stop. Then, in October, I guess, they said the cancer has come back and do you want to do treatments again? He said no. The treatments would have extended his life only a brief time.
About a week before he died, the cancer took a dramatic turn for the worse and just literally "exploded" internally- and I guess the same happened with the brain cancer. He deteriorated rapidly- and within a 5 day period, his conditioned went to "bedfast"... and he died shortly after.
JUST THE FACTS
I have been having some problems dealing with these matters which concern health, death and dying. It is hard not to. I haven't spent the whole time being depressed- but the feelings of being down just seem to come and go, as do times of crying. Strange thought, huh? I am not shy about sharing this with people I know and care about, because I do want your prayers.
No, I have not and am not giving up- my faith is strong and I know that God is the center of my life and that Jesus is the hope and help of my salvation. I know that the Holy Spirit leads and guides me, still. Without the blessed hope of God's promises, life is bleak, indeed. I know that in being human, we suffer emotionally, when faced with death and dying of loved ones, but the pain lessens gradually and we go on with our lives.
The time for the sorrow to begin to lessen gradually, has not yet come, and I know this. But, it will!
No, I have not and am not giving up- my faith is strong and I know that God is the center of my life and that Jesus is the hope and help of my salvation. I know that the Holy Spirit leads and guides me, still. Without the blessed hope of God's promises, life is bleak, indeed. I know that in being human, we suffer emotionally, when faced with death and dying of loved ones, but the pain lessens gradually and we go on with our lives.
The time for the sorrow to begin to lessen gradually, has not yet come, and I know this. But, it will!
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